This Is Not Mine, This Is Not Myself

This Is Not Myself

In the Akkosa Sutta, a brahman, displeased by the fact that one of his group has chosen to become the Buddha's disciple, goes to see the latter, setting loose a string of curses and insults the moment he's before the teacher. The brahman, envious and unable to hold his own feelings of disappointment or insecurity, chooses to lash out to relieve his discomfort.

"What do you think, brahman," the Buddha says to the man in response, "do friends and colleagues, relatives and kin come to visit you?

"Yes, Master Gotama," the brahman answers. "They do come to visit me."

"And do you offer them food and snacks?'

"Yes, sometimes." Which makes you wonder, what happens those other times? Does he ignore his guests? Does he pretend he doesn't have anything to offer? Does he turn them away?

"But suppose that they don't accept the food and snacks you offer them, brahman. Whose are they then?"

"If they don't accept the food and snacks, then they belong to me."

"In the same way, brahman," the Buddha says with the kind of irrefutable logic that cuts through self-deception, "I do not accept your insults, your taunts, your curses. I am not insulting, not taunting, not cursing, so they are not mine. They're all yours, brahman. Whoever returns an insult or a taunt or a curse is said to be sharing food and company with that person. But I'm neither eating with you nor sharing your company, brahman. It's all yours. It's all yours."

This exchange reminds me of another dialogue in which the Buddha says to Cunda, Shariputra's disciple: "Others will be harmful; we shall not be harmful here. Others will kill living beings; we shall abstain from killing living beings here," and so on, working his way through forty-four unskillful actions that the Buddha's sangha will refrain from.

What, to me, is telling, is that the Buddha is not only refusing to harm another, he's vowing to refrain from harm even when another is harming him, or to act unskillfully even though those around him may fall prey to their confusion or their pain. He's essentially saying, I refuse to participate in your delusion. Samsara may be ubiquitous, but I do not accept it as my lot.

I find this teaching one of the most challenging yet most rewarding. For myself, I phrase it as: "When harmed, I will not harm. I won't resort to what will only and always create more suffering." And, in a reversal of the usual acceptance that Buddhism encourages, in this teaching the Buddha rejects what will not benefit him—or the brahman, for that matter.

The point of this teaching, ultimately, is what the Buddha calls "effacement." (Think of it in terms of that famous phrase, "This is not me, this is not mine, this is not myself.") Effacement is meant to ensure that the Buddha's disciples won't slide back into unskillful actions. But again, in simple terms, he's encouraging his students to not participate in the dance of suffering that keeps us—and the world—tied up in knots.

Imagine what kind of world this would be if we could all vow, "I will not harm when harmed." Lawsuits (a high percentage of them, at least), gun laws, peace treaties would all become obsolete. But since we don't live in that utopia, closer to home we can each vow to ourselves to not respond with impatience, with jealousy, with anger, or violence. As I've said before, we can give up our right to be right and choose instead our right to be free.

This is not a small task, by any means. But anything worth doing takes time and effort. The only thing we need is to begin.

*These photos are by Alexandra Komyo Brown. They show the jukai or precepts ceremony the Ocean Mind Sangha celebrated tin July 2022. Brian Ryusan ("Flowing Mountain") Pontolilo took the precepts, joining the lineage of buddhas and bodhisattvas who over countless generations have vowed to refrain from harm, practice good, and extend this goodness to others.